Hamburger Meta-Nonfiction

Fan Art

Hamburger Dad Timeline

1. Dad requests unlimited hamburgers at McDonald's for his 13th birthday
2. Dad becomes angry when Dad's dad makes him stop devouring hamburgers after (approx.) only fifteen
3. Dad takes his young children to Fuddruckers for some Class A Hamburgers
4. Dad's children are dumbstruck at the superior quality of both the meat patties and the buns, which are supple and pliable, and contain a certain unexpected spring
5. Dad throws over the kitchen table in a fit of rage when Mom makes Paper Thin Hamburgers
6. Dad storms out of the house and buys a Very Thick Hamburger, then watches two movies in a row before returning home
7. Dad frequently references incident 5 as a Bad Event, for which he is Sorry, and often tells his children that (due to incident 5) he lost Many Bricks from his Future House in Heaven
8. Dad responds to text message question 'Are hamburgers your favorite food?" rapidly and with gusto: 'yes - especially homemade!!!'

Cold Summer

Two feet away from my 'destination', I skim too closely to a pair of small shrubs. This results in the dramatic and substantial collision of pale greenery and (my) bike handle, which, it happens, is fixed firmly to (my) hand. Directly below the curve of (my) middle nail is a thin line- one centimeter, approximately, in total length. It is crimson, dense. Blood beneath the nail beneath the skin. It looks like a short sliver of raw hamburger meat. I want to puncture it, but I don't.